Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
