my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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