I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
