He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
