He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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