threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
