someone threw a dead crab at me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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