The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
