you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
