Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
