found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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