if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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