you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
