I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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