I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
