I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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