you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
