i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
