Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
