Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
