party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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