You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dignity is for republicans.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
