hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
