About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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