no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
