You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
