I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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