I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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