I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
