So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
