i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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