She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
