he shaved USA in his pubs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
