On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
