Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
