i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
