We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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