Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
