when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
