there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
