hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
