Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
