here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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