Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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