I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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