there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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