Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
