his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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