So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
