Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
