i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just cropdusted the office
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
