i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
