I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
